NEW NUDE GIRLS EXPLAINS HOW TO:

Date Two Girls

Enjoy twice the sex with half the monotony!

December 2003

1. DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE
As a commitment leper, you may not be able to handle a real relationship, but you can certainly pull off a couple of half-assed ones. “Don’t let anyone tell you dating two women isn’t kosher,” says Lynn Harris, author of relationship guide Breakup Girl to the Rescue! “You’re a free agent until you have the Big Talk—so put it off as long as possible.” Start both affairs around the same time; that way one girl won’t sense a change when another arrives on the scene. Your ideal targets are party girls, so forgo the virgin spinster librarians in your sewing circle.

2. KEEP YOUR DISTANCE
To establish yourself as a no-strings-attached boy toy, be nice—but not candy-and-flowers nice. “Call each girl only a few times a week,” advises dating coach Ron Louis, coauthor of How to Succeed With Women. Tempted to e-mail her the hilarious details of your commute to work? Resist. Feel jealous when she mentions other guys? Don’t. Holding her to standards you have no intention of honoring will make her notice the disparity. Instead, be as elusive as the yeti—you’ve already got the back hair—and don’t see either girl more than once a week.

3. COVER YOUR TRACKS
It happened to Jack Tripper every episode, and it’ll happen to you: the comically awkward misunderstanding. Remain calm. “You’re with Girl A, and you bump into Girl B,” Louis says. “It’s simple: Politely introduce them with no explanation, and move on.” Since there’s been no discussion of commitment, you’re in the clear—later you can tell each one that the other was just a friend. Avoid the ol’ calling-her-the-wrong-name snafu by giving both girls the same term of endearment, like Cutie, Angel, or Doublewide. Chicks dig that lovey-dovey stuff anyway.

4. MAKE YOUR ESCAPE
In order to avoid an ugly confrontation—or uglier car-egging—get out while the gettin’s good. “Your window of prime juggling opportunity is three to five weeks,” Louis says. “The earlier you break things off, the better your chances to avoid hurt feelings.” The safest bet: Bore her out of the relationship. Take her to a bar to watch a Senior PGA event, stop feigning laughter at her jokes, develop a fanatical love of genealogy. Do it to both, or do it to one and upgrade the other to girlfriend status. Just remember—now you’ll have to tell her your real name.